today's top discussions:

logo

What food is actually considered Healthy..?

Evolution

2025-03-03 11:17 AM

Healthy Weight Community

logo

Health Educators or Moderators missing?

Evolution

2025-03-03 11:16 AM

Quit Smoking Community

logo

Est- ce qu'il y a des forums actifs en franc¸ais ?

Timbo637

2025-02-20 12:27 PM

Quit Smoking Community

logo

My Quit Meter

Timbo637

2025-02-18 6:49 AM

Quit Smoking Community

This Month’s Leaders:

Most Supportive

Most Active

Most Loved

Browse through 411.777 posts in 47.070 threads.

161,788 Members

Please welcome our newest members: SharedStrength, project123, Doglover1979, EH567, Nobesuthu mercy nyathi

Husband wants to seperate


20 years ago 0 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Thanks for all the advice... It helps to know that there are others dealing with this, and getting advice from those people, I truely appreciate it.
20 years ago 0 72 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
And JOJO game me some great coaching too. Look at my past posting and she gave me some good insight into myself, marriage, and wifes depression issues. Your the best JOJO.. thanks Bigtruck
20 years ago 0 72 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Splcaster, Yes I wanted to leave my wife. I threaten Divorce thinking that is a solution I know it is not. The Solution is myself and fixing my anxiety issues regarding the marriage. I would panic if she didnt come home thinking she is out cheatin or hanging out with guys. Or I would panic if she didnt call me during the day thinking she doesnt love me. That is the anxiety talking and I know to challenge those thoughts. Your husband feels you are so insecure and probally not giving him the emotional freedom to live his life. Think of it this way. Imagine your kids clinging to your legs 24 hours a day. That is exactly how he is feeling with you trying to deal with the marriage issues. Total insecure. You need to let go of those "clinging" feelings and rebuild your selfesteem. Your marriage did not start out this way so trying to fix it this way will do you no help whatsoever. So get a grip on your life and improve yourself. It takes time. Im almost fixed but I looked for coaching reading peoples stories and getting advice each day. My marriage is still a mess but Im working on it. Thats all I can hope for at this time and in the end I know I will be a stronger person with or without her in my life. Good luck!!
20 years ago 0 59 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
listen to bigtruck's advise he has come a long way and is a stronger healthier happier person now one day at a time is the way to go. you need to focus on yourself and what makes you happy start doing things you once enjoyed, don't worry things will work out for you in time,dont dwell on little things it only makes it worse I know that from exsperience, start by going for walks hanging out with old friends just talking about things that make you happier the kids go to the gym it helped me execise is a great stress reliever. you need time for yourself with work and kids to take care of that in itsself is a lot to handle, tell your husband that you want to do this and will need help wih the children team work is a great start. take care remember one day at a time my friend you need to put yourself first for a litte while, you can and will heal and become stronge more confident and happier. live life dont let life live you take care and hang in there better days ahead jojo god bless :)
20 years ago 0 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Bigtruck, I have spent the last month just trying to make my marriage better, and your right it is pushing my husband away, I call him and do things for him and in my mind I thought that would want to make him stay. He has even told me stop concentrating on our marriage, start concentrating on you and our marriage will benefit from it. My insecurities make me call him throughout the day and I want to discuss our relationship and I know it's just pushing him further and further away, yesterday wasw the first day I did not call him. One day at a time right? He is still in the house, however on Sunday he mentioned moving out again. Did you feel like leaving your wife because of the way she was dealing with the depression?
20 years ago 0 13 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Hi splcaster, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is not supportive. It sounds to me like you are in fact depressed. It also sounds like you have a lot on your plate with three kids, an unsupportive husband and school which just makes the depression harder to deal with. Insecurities can be a symptom of how depression affects us. Depression makes us feel a myriad of negative things about ourselves and sometimes others too. Insecurities can also sometimes be part of the way we have been conditioned...effects of our past as we were growing up, etc. Sometimes it helps to go back and work through the past to help find out why we are insecure about things and that needs to be done with a trained counselor or therapist. I would suggest seeing a therapist if you are not already doing so. I have found my therapy sessions to be a great aid in my healing from depression. Find a counselor that you are very comfortable with...don't just settle for one. I understand how you feel. I don't feel like myself most of the time and wonder what has happened to me. I cannot remember the last time I laughed or felt true happiness but I keep climbing out of this valley, praying that I will find myself again. If your husband is willing, could you maybe ask him to consider going to see a counselor with you so that the counselor could help him to see that this is not your fault and that the depression is what is causing you to feel so blue and to be different then the person that he dated? We are here for you. Keep writing your thoughts...it helps to process through them and writing them down often helps us to do that. I too am on Lexapro and like it because I don't have a lot of side effects on it. But, I also take an added medication at night to help with anxiety and to help me sleep. Every med affects each person uniquely so, be sure and keep in touch with your doc about how it is working for you. I'm glad to hear it has helped some at this point. Maybe your husband will begin to see a change and see that it was the depression that was affecting you.
20 years ago 0 72 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Splcaster, I know your situation. Im going thru it too. My wife has abandoned me emotionally and we are virtually seperated in our own house. She has been going thru depression for 2 years and no meds have seemed to do the trick. I went thru total insecurity from her withdrawl of the marriage and her family. I tried for almost a year trying anything to save the marriage. I went into depression myself from all the anxiety and blame. I went to a therapist to go figure myself out and get control of my life again. My wife is still working on herself and pressuring the person is not the way to do it. I cant guarantee that my marriage or your marriage will survive but I am trying to change myself to be happier around her and the kids and not to talk about the depression or marriage issues because it actually can make things worse by pressuring the other person. I would recommend going to therapy to understand yourself and your behavior and his behavior. Once your both feel in control of yourselves I would start dicussing how to fix the marriage thru a therapist. In the meantime www.divorcebusting.com has given me tremendous help understanding my marriage and try to get things back on track. By fixing yourself you can fix your relationship. Being insecure about everything is your anxiety talking. It is the child in you which is making you to reach out for help..... Get a grip on yourself and realize who you are. Go take care of yourself and do things that make YOU happy and not your spouse. Once you feel in control things you will see things much clearer in your head. Ive been in your shoes (and maybe his too) Only you can fix yourself and no drug or spouse can do anything. Once you see the "light" you will know your on track. I finally saw the "light" and my life has change for the better either with or without her by my side. Take 1 day at a time. Nothing can fix the issues overnight but you can try each day to move in the right direction. Have faith. Good Luck. :)
20 years ago 0 3045 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
Splcaster, Thank you for your story. The members on this site have lots of wonderful knowledge and support for you. Please take the time to look around and use the tools and references at your disposal. You do need to take care of yourself first. Try taking the test to the left of the screen and print the results for your doctor/therapist. This may better help assess the situation. Keep strong and post always, we can help. Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.
20 years ago 0 5 logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo logo 0
This is the first time I have posted and have been reading what others have written for the last few weeks, I was diagnosed with depression in the beginning of December and have been taking Lexapro since then, I feel much better, I'm not snapping at my husband or the kids any more, I'm starting to do more on my own and seem to be laughing more. It's sad when you notice that you are laughing, I use to take it for granted until I noticed I had stopped and I couldn't remember when I had laughed last. Anyway, I still have lingering insecurities where my husband is concerned, does anyone else have insecurity as a sign or symptom of depression? or is this unique to me and maybe I'm insecure and depressed. I can't convince him that things are going to change with us, he doesn't see how things are ever going to get better and wants to seperate so I can get myself back together. He wants me to become a person again and not a dependent, submissive(for lack of a better word) wife. I wasn't like this when we first started dating, I had my own life and friends and interests. I guess what I want to know is, if this is the depression or is from me? How to I concentrate on myself when all I have ever done is worried about everyone else? I have a job, and I am in school to get my degree, 3 kids and all I want is my marriage to get better. If I concentrated to my school work like I do my marriage I would have my Phd. by now! Everyone keeps telling me, incliuding my husband, they say take care of yourself and everything else will work out. Nobody can tell me how to start. Anyone out there have any real advice? Maybe someone else has gone through this. Thanks for any advice. :confuse:

Reading this thread: