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Hi, Brand new, looking for hope

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

So you won't let me off so easy huh? lol.. Actually I like that. So a more empowering way I could look at it. Well, maybe when I'm feeling down, I tend to feel like a victim, and since there is no one to blame, I guess you could say I need to attribute it to something, even if it's abstract. Maybe when I'm feeling down also, something that might not affect me on a good day, will seem like a big thing on a bad one. Maybe it's bad karma - if you believe in that stuff :\ I sure hope not lol. That's the best I can come up with right now. I'm a bit superstitious too, I'm always afraid that if something goes well, and come to realize it or mention it, that I'm gonna jinx it. Also that if I feel happy, something is going to happen to balance things out :(. How did I do :\

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi FFirecracker,

A big part of this program is challenging the way you think and that is what I am going to do now... I can respect the fact that it can be hard to try to look at things in a different perspective is difficult but I don't know is not an answer! Try to really think about the question and if you have to make up an answer or write the first positive thing that pops into your mind ! I won't let you off that easy!

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Thanks you, m & Ashley (sorry couldn't find how to do the little doo-dad before the m) ;). I appreciate that you took the time to reply. And thanks Ashley for the compliment ;).

I'd like to know more about all this, where it comes from, why some people suffer from it and others don't, what works and what doesn't.

Most of my family seem to be in the same boat. I'm the only one who has been diagnosed, maybe my father too not sure (our relationship is .. eeehh.. weak) lol.

I know people that seem like nothing ever affects them! My husband has this totally stable mood, so does his mother, and brothers as far as I know. It kind of 'pisses me off' sorry for the language, that we have to struggle like this, and it is such a misunderstood ailment.

My thoughts on trying to find another way to describe what is happening besides a curse? I really don't know, to be totally honest with you. I read that the more positive you think, the more good things will happen. And that the opposite is also true. I have been trying to fight the negative thoughts but it doesn't seem to be working for me. I don't know how else to explain what is going on.

I hope I won't have to go back on the meds, and if so, I wonder if there is one out there that can work 100%. Researching the net can sometimes be a negative experience, there are so many people that seem unable to get better, makes you wonder if it's the ones that don't take meds, or if there are some people for whom meds just don't work.. scary thought for me :\

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 11226

Hi FFirecracker!

Welcome to the group! This certainly will be a great place for you; like ~m mentioned the program does take a lot of work but it does work. Also, the forums are some of the most positive and supportive on the web. Sometimes this positivity will challenge you and your thought process but this is a good thing!

In regards to the questions you have about medication, Health Educators are unable to give medical advice so I cannot comment but I am sure members will share their experiences with you. For questions about medication it is always best to consult a doctor.

It sounds like you have been through a lot in the last few years, good for you for continuing to fight! Even though this is your first post your strength and intelligence shines through; you will fit in great here

! I can hear what you are going through right now can feel like a curse but what would be a bit more empowering way to look at it? Curse implies you have no control and curse sounds down right scary! What are your thoughts on this?

Ashley, Health Educator

Here to help :)

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 1022

Hi Ffirecracker...

Welcome. I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I think we have come to the right place to help with our depression. This site provides real tools to make a change in how we think and behave and feel. It is no quick fix, but if you give yourself time to work through the sessions it really seems to provide an avenue of relief.

As for the medications, all I can offer is what my experience has been. Upping or lowering meds causes all kinds of emotional and physical changes... best undertaken with a doctor's supervision. I can't tell you how many times I decided to go off my meds.... for many different reasons.... feeling better, feeling worse, cost, side effects, didn't want to be a "crazy". About a month into my quit I would be wondering why I was so depressed and headed for a hospitalization. Since the effects did not wear off immediately, by the time they did, I'd forgotten I'd gone off the meds!

I don't go off my meds anymore and I've learned to check with my doctor (used to have a pdoc but now just see my gp) before making any changes. Life works better for me when I do. It was hard to come to the realization that I need to stay on them probably for the rest of my life... I am hoping doing the CBT will maybe mean I can eventually take a lower dosage. This messed up brain chemistry stuff is no myth... it can be really, truly debilitating.

Thanks for coming to check us out... I hope you will find the support you are looking for.

14 years ago 0 +0 / -0 33

Hi,

A little about me, I'm 42, have a 21 year old daughter. Got remarried in Aug. 09 to a very loving man.

In 2004 my 13 year (8 years married) relationship ended, ex cheated on me. I also had a difficult teenager to deal with, and was not liking my job. In 2006, like a ton of bricks fell on me, I started feeling horrible. Was diagnosed with acute major depression with massive anxiety. I have been taking Effexor XR until about a month ago, when i decided I wanted to get rid of the meds.

While meds made me feel a bit better, I still wasn't 100%, had very vivid dreams (so much I'd wake up tired), memory & concentration problems, and sluggish.

The first few weeks after taking the last dose, physical withdrawals were very disturbing, now I'm emotionally a wreck. I feel angry, sad, hopeless, very easily irritated & ready to blow, etc. I really don't want to go back to the meds. I'm taking a few natural supplements like tyrosine, complex b vitamin, relora.. and have a bunch more but not sure what I can take together with what.. would be nice if someone could help me with that.

But I'm also hoping someone can tell me whether my emotional upheaval of the last few weeks, is due to the withdrawals, or has the depression simply returned?

Any word of advice would be much appreciated. Right now my mood is stable, but the smallest trigger sends me either raging or crying with despair. The last week or more, I really feel like I've been cursed. You know when you are having a bad, bad day and feel everything is going wrong? Well I have bad day after bad day after bad day. I just went to a depression forum, but all the posts were extremely depressing, I figured might not be the best place for me. This place at least, has some 'positive' sections I can check out, like success stories, PLUS it seems there are some health advisors here that can actuall offer positive advice. That is what I really need.

Hope I didn't lose anyone with my long post. I thank you in advance, I really hope this website is as promising as it seems.

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Hi, Brand new, looking for hope